London to Glasgow

Well, doesn’t time fly when you’re having fun?! I know it’s a month since my last confession to you, dear reader, but every time I sit down to compose a blog post of great intellect, mirth and wit about bicycles or a bicycle related subject, something momentous happens in the World of cycle campaigning. As a result, as far as blogging is concerned, I’ve just sat back and watch events unfold partly because there are other bloggers who clearly have more time on their hands to produce superior stuff but also there has been plenty going on at the Cycling Embassy of Great Britain too.

Last Friday afternoon, I boarded a train at Brighton to head to London Victoria. I then cycled through Central London via the West End to Euston Station.

I’m sorry but although as an experienced cyclist, I personally find riding through London an absolute hoot on my Brompton, I still think it’s unnecessarily unpleasant. Actually, it’s like ‘It’s A Knockout’ on bikes. People unfamiliar with cycling in London can replicate the experience by doing the following:

  1. Drink a pint of very strong Expresso
  2. Dress like a brightly coloured robot with helmet and any light you can find. A thousand-yard stare also helps if you wish to look ‘advanced’.
  3. If you have a car with garage or carport, ask a neighbour round to sit in the car, start the engine and leave it running whilst leaving the garage door closed
  4. Try and cycle around the car as fast as you can, trying to squeeze through the gap between the bodywork and the wall whilst getting your neighbour to open the driver’s door occasionally in front of you and/or shout abuse.
  5. If you’re allowed, paint the garage floor blue before carrying out 1-4 to replicate a ‘Superhighway’.

That’s cycling in London. Especially in rush hour. To me, anyway.

Today however (22nd February, 6.30pm) there’s going to be a ‘flashride’ past the Palace of Westminster on Parliament Square – yet another area of London that could be fantastic, particularly in an Olympic year with a massive influx of tourists. However, like most other places of historic importance, we like to showcase our treasures by demonstrating how much traffic we can force for that adrenalin fuelled, fume clogged, pointlessly stress inducing atmosphere essential to the full British experience. The flashride is being held ahead of a Parliamentary debate the following day on a campaign created by The Times called ‘Cities Fit For Cycling’. This is a campaign inspired by Mary Bowers, a young news reporter at The Times who was run over by a lorry on Friday, November 4th and sadly remains in a coma to this day.

Whatever the views of experienced cyclists and cycle campaign groups about this initiative, there is one fact that must be always borne in mind.

This is how the general public views us.

In that respect, I found it fascinating; Firstly, that all of a sudden cycling was thrust ‘out there’ into the public domain, far, far beyond the cycling internet forums and blogs and conferences with all the opinion that followed. Secondly, it clarified the fact that [in Britain] the line between sport cycling and utility cycling is completely blurred to the public eye.  As a result it made sense to talk about helmets and even helmet compulsion (even though they don’t even feature in The Times eight point manifesto) as a galaxy of cycling stars stepped forward to imply that racing around a track or leading the final sprint in the Tour of Qatar or the Race Across America is exactly like riding a bicycle to the local shop to buy a loaf of bread.

Track racing. Totally relevant - if this was the '800m Sprint to Garage Forecourt to Buy Last Bunch of Flowers for Mothers Day'

Anyway, from Euston I caught the train to Glasgow Central in readiness for Saturday where I attended the first Scottish Consulate and Infrastructure Safari. For those new to this blog, a Safari is where one goes for a bike ride to hunt cycling infrastructure. Some of it may be fairly good, whilst some of it is guaranteed to be a contender for the Turner Prize. When I first said to friends that I was going up to Glasgow, I got knowing looks and tapped noses from people who assured me that I was going to get my face gently smashed in because of my beautiful Surrey accent with a slight tinge of Radio 4 Continuity Announcer – probably a good reason to take a helmet. However, Glasgow proved to be wonderful, the weather proved to be fascinating, the beer proved to be delicious and our hosts led by Dave ‘Magnatom’ Brennan were very hospitable & amiable indeed. Sadly the puncture fairy also to decided to visit – I was informed that it was either due to the mystical geological layer of green glass that the city sits on, where it sometimes protrudes, glistening through the pavement and towpath. Or it was all the smashed glass, common to many town and city centres where puncture fairies go out on the piss.

I shall write about Glasgow in a separate post, partly because there is much of interest to the City and Suburb Infrastructure Buff and mostly because I have to split things in to bite size manageable chunks. In the meantime, if you are in London this afternoon/early evening, please go to the ride and give your support.

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3 thoughts on “London to Glasgow”

  1. “the line between sport cycling and utility cycling is completely blurred to the public eye”. It always strikes me that the obvious corollary is to blur the line between driving a Formula-1 car around Silverstone and nipping down the shops in the family hatchback.

    Though given how some people drive thay may be doing so already…

  2. David Miler, has been know to take his favourite TT bike to the shops to get some bread, but even he acknowledge there are easier ways to ride a bicycle to the shops. Good to read that you enjoyed your wee jaunt to Glasgow, but if you want to see a really cycling toon, come to Edinburgh 😉

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