I’m currently road testing a new iPhone app for the CTC. I shall say no more as I have no desire to steal the thunder of CTC but my initial response is that it’s ‘utterly amazing’ although this may level out at ‘quite fantastic’. If they progress with it and you own an iPhone then get it when it’s released even though you have no idea what it is yet. A bit like the iPad really.
As I was cycling to work this morning I started to think about other iPhone apps that could benefit cyclists. Sure, there’s a few for mapping, and a few to measure speed and distance (as you’d expect from a device that probably holds more power than all the computers combined that sent Man to the Moon). However, I would also like to see the following developed:
The Cyclops
You may be familiar with this concept if you follow the Lawn Tennis Championships at Wimbledon each year. If a car overtakes too closely, the phone could emit a loud beep and someone screaming ‘OUT!’
The Col de Hell
I DO NOT advocate using an iPod when commuting at all but…
Imagine you are grinding up some tortuous climb and the spirits are a little bit low. Just put your earphones in to listen to a recording of an enthusiastic crowd on a Tour de France mountain stage. The cries of ‘Allez!’! The shouts of adoring people running alongside you! Then you can punch the air or give a Mark Cavendish two fingered salute as you finally crest the Paris-Roubaix style pave at the top of Guildford High Street. You hero, you! Chapeau!
The Male Lycrometer
You look in the mirror and see the physique of Alberto Contador. Meanwhile the mirror is trying everything in its power to stop itself smashing and sparing your blushes. This app could measure your main bicycle type, your height, weight and BMI. If you go over a certain threshold, or your only bike is a Brompton it emits a loud ‘NO!’ if you look at a piece of lycra or replica team kit. If you pick up a garment and walk towards the till the ‘NO!’s get louder and more urgent. If you purchase a team replica jersey or bib shorts, the sponsor is automatically alerted by email that someone is riding around with their logo on that has all the sleekness and power of a wheelie bin.
The Femail Lycrometer
No comment. I like my legs and kneecaps where they are for cycling, thank you very much.
I’m sure you can think of more, dear reader and I welcome your thoughts.
The Lo Fidelity Bicycle Club 