Lie and think of England

Image result for Brexit Bus
Maybe how cycle campaigns should have done it all along…maybe…..

I always used to be sceptical about the adverts I saw on buses; I never thought that a particular brand of deodorant would make me more desirable or that buying a particular car would make me more desirable or that Bran Flakes were actually very, very tasty and would make me more desirable.

The bicycle as a mode of transport has never really been advertised to the British public in a sexual or sensual way which is one of the plethora of reasons levels of bicycle usage are very low. Those in the bicycling world, be it campaigner, journalist or policy maker, when trying to push the bicycle as a mode of transport sadly let themselves down by using boring old proven facts, demonstrable knowledge and verified statistics in their messages to the wider world.

Recently an advert was put on the side of a bus that many Britons bought into. The claim was that £350 million a week paid to the EU could be diverted to the NHS. It was proved to be an outrageous lie, but it got a job done. However, it started me thinking how much the NHS could save each week if the bicycle was more integrated into the nations policies. Probably an eye-watering amount worthy of the side of a bus.

Another thing that I couldn’t help but notice over the last couple of years is that the Second World War has been bandied about even more than usual as the de facto sign of British grit and stoicism. Bandied, often by people whose biggest interaction with this event is watching ‘Dad’s Army’. A small point that’s often overlooked, setting aside the fact that it was a truly horrific period of history that no one else in Europe wishes to repeat and no one that did have an involvement is that the humble bicycle was a vital mode of transport and faithful servant during this period and the years immediately afterwards. The Spitfire was always going to nab the headlines.

In times of adversity, the bicycle was the people’s transport either on the front line or in peacetime. The 1973 oil crisis, when Saudi Arabia and other Arab oil exporters imposed an embargo on the US, Britain, Canada, Japan and the Netherlands for supporting Israel in the Yom Kippur war caused a surge in the price of oil. In a televised address, the Dutch prime minister informed the people of the Netherlands that changes had to be made in energy conservation. The Dutch knew a national crossroads when they saw one and over the following decades gradually re-engineered the crossroads with red bicycle paths as a National Insurance policy. There are Dutch people alive today that might not have been had the nation taken a wrong turn, like the UK did.

However, the UK has reached a national crossroads of its own, albeit one of its own construction. This perversely could be the bicycle’s time to shine again as it is the answer to many of the problems predicted by experts; it protects against oil shocks, it is the antidote against the increasing need for medicines and healthcare. It is a social, friendly, egalitarian mode of transport for all ages, genders, creeds, colours and abilities that cares not if you are a part of a disaffected community or the establishment elite.

The problem is that, in these very un-British fractious, polarised times, the people that keep invoking the ‘Dunkirk Spirit’ as ‘us versus them’ whilst deftly airbrushing out the French troops that gallantly gave their lives defending the retreat, usually think the same way about the bicycle and those that use them. The humble bicycle user is also a ‘them’; decades of begging for the scraps at the transport table have led to a group of people using their bicycles in spite of the conditions as opposed to because of them, with all the specialist kit, body armour and surveillance equipment that this mitigation involves.

Decent infrastructure is helping to bridge our nations disconnect, despite the froth and vitriol of those that see the removal of a car lane as an act of terrorism. The seeds have thankfully been planted in time through protected Superhighways and ‘Mini Hollands’. These schemes help remove the need for specialist kit, body armour and surveillance equipment and make the act of riding a bicycle for transport simple, even a bit boring – as it should be. There will always be people wearing specialist kit of course. The bicycle offers a very wide palette for a very broad canvas.

Above all, positive data is already emerging and will continue to emerge from these schemes in turns of usage, efficiency and even money spent in local businesses affected by the schemes. Still no lying necessary. The bicycle is from our nations past and can easily be a productive part of our nation’s future. Stick that on the side of a bus.

Image result for classic bicycle advert
The profits made from ‘Artisan bread’ will make the hill climb worth it.

Inland Empire

A few things have changed since my last post.

I now reside on the edge of Godalming, Surrey and have done for just over 2 years. It is only 4 miles from my home village where my mother still resides, my Father having finally passed away from cancer in 2014.

The highways authorities that design bicycle infrastructure in my home county of Surrey carry out their work in the style of Salvador Dali with the soul of Katie Hopkins. We shall be uncovering more of this Third World of Transport in future posts.

I live very close to the Wey Navigation. There were many reasons why canals such as this were built from the mid 18th century; roads had not really developed from medieval times, the Industrial Revolution meant Great Britain was becoming a true global power with all the goods that needed to be transported efficiently as a result, and of course the transport had to be inland as opposed to coastal due to a mistrust of the French. But that’s still around today. The canals were the Amazon Prime of their time but with boats instead of drones. Kind of.

Connecting to this is the Downs Link path running from Shalford (just south of Guildford) all the way down to Shoreham by Sea, in West Sussex. When I lived in Worthing for a spell, I’d occasionally cycle its 37 miles to pop up to visit my parents – slowly. I’m more Chris Biggins in shape than Chris Froome.

The path follows the course of two dismantled railways, both of which closed in the 1960’s as a result of the Beeching Axe. As the canals capitulated to the railways so the railways capitulated to the roads from the Second World War and the end of petrol rationing (along with a rather ‘conflicted’ Minister for Transport). However the railways were the Amazon Prime of their time but with trains instead of drones. Kind of.

Canals have enjoyed a Restoration period for a few decades now offering relative tranquility for leisure be it boating, angling, walking and of course, cycling. It would be wrong however to think that these can be part of a meaningful network as far as an efficient transport mode is concerned. Some are blessed to use them for cycle commuting (and the Wey Navigation is stunningly beautiful for the most part) but the conditions I personally feel are often inappropriate –  narrow, overgrown, un-surfaced, blind corners and so on. It relies on a lot of mutual goodwill and tolerance from all users (and indeed the volunteer groups that maintain these routes).

Post-Beeching railways that haven’t been lovingly restored by Railway Heritage groups can make excellent long distance routes with the subtlest of gradients. Again, like canals, they can get narrow and overgrown and still require goodwill and tolerance from all users (and indeed the volunteer groups that maintain these routes). But in the case of the Downs Link, the fact that one can cycle 40 relatively easy miles through the South of England with the barest of interactions with motor traffic is wonderful. Don’t however suggest giving them a proper surface and even street lighting where they connect with towns and villages to make them usable in all seasons (the southern end can get horrifically boggy in winter). If you do, cries of ‘urbanisation of the countryside!’ will rain into your local newspaper from people who should be more worried about taking back control of their blood pressure as opposed to our borders.

As I rejoin Surrey’s roads on a bicycle, it’s as though my few years of absence from bicycle campaigning never happened. Below is a picture of some typical British cycling infrastructure. Built with such beautiful contempt for the end user, I don’t know why all pretence isn’t scrapped and ‘THAT’S ALL YOU’RE GETTING FUCKERS!!’ painted at frequent intervals on the pavements. To be fair, Council budgets have been stripped bare over the last decade due to the interesting notion of Central Government of supporting the devolution of powers to the regions and then stripping said regions of any money to do anything. As far as I can ascertain, Her Majesty’s Treasury are basically hiding anywhere outside London in a cupboard under the stairs (except Northern Ireland).

I also had to chuckle when last week, Report No: 1,452 on the benefits of cycling was published (I made that number up, but it feels like 1,452). The Department for Transport commissioned Sustrans amongst others to carry out this particular study – specifically relating to the effects of the Cycling Demonstration Towns and Cycling City and Towns programmes that ran in periods between 2005-2011. It reached the conclusion that where there was investment in urban cycling, there is an increase in the number of trips taken.

Canals, railways and roads will always have money poured into them as long as there is or was monetary return. Well designed and implemented bicycle infrastructure is never a sound investment unless your return is to society in which it pays dividends – a healthier population being less of a financial burden on the NHS into old age, safer communities as more pairs of eyes and ears are outside of metal boxes cycling around, more galvanized communities as people reacquaint themselves with their local shops and amenities from a saddle, less pollution, less congestion, more independence for children, better journeys for wheelchair users and mobility scooters, the list goes on. In these times of Brexit uncertainty and the requirement to be a more self-sufficient Inland Empire, I can’t think of a better time to invest in society.

It’s just a shame that the best ideas are foreign.

Etape du Crap

My last post plundered some of the wonderful images sent in to the Warrington Cycle Campaign for their ‘Facility of the Month’ pages (and to reiterate, buy the book and send it to your local Highways Authority. Proceeds to CTC’s Cyclists Defence Fund).

In September 2001, this wonderful Turning Circle/Bicycle Layby/No, I actually have no idea what they were thinking either, was Facility of the Month. It is in the Campaign’s home turf of Warrington.

Yesterday, it surfaced again in the Daily Mail (and thanks to Lazy Bicycle Blog for the heads up). I was quite glad to see that ‘Silly Season’ has returned a little bit in the face of a potential humanitarian crisis in Libya.

It is the latest example in a long line of questionable planning decisions by councils – a cycle lane measuring just 15ft long.

Cyclists using the roads of Warrington, Cheshire, are apparently supposed to use the semi-circular track to help them get ahead of drivers.

Alternatively, this road to nowhere could have been designed by local pen-pushers to help cyclists execute a U-turn on a leafy avenue which runs between the Stockton Heath and Appleton areas of the town.

The spare-lane has been cut into the verge, covered in tarmac before a white cycle symbol was painted onto it – presumably to make sure there was no doubt as to who this strange example of highway planning was for.

The highway blunder was spotted by DSA Licensed driving instructor, Dave Horgan of Horgis School of Motoring.

‘The council need to think twice before putting up confusing signs and this sort of thing is an example,’ he said.

‘This is one of the reasons it costs so much to learn to drive nowadays.’

I’m a little stumped as what Mr Horgan’s comments mean as this nugget of infrastructure doesn’t appear to have been signed, has been sitting there for 10 years as forlorn as a Verve album and is probably ignored by motorists driving past as though their cars will detonate if they drop below 50mph. I also feel that there may be other real and pressing factors as to why the cost of a driving test has risen so much such as Middle East instability or the fact that insurance is seen as peripheral to many motorists yet operating a mobile phone is essential.

Anyway, Tuesdays post along with the above mentioned article got me thinking further about interesting ways to highlight the drivel that Councils have been getting away with for years in the name of ‘sustainability’. The sort of stuff that allows them to produce brochures and plans that gloss over their jeopardising cyclist and pedestrian safety and not understanding the bicycle as a simple and effective mode of transport.

I would like to suggest organising a bicycle race using a particular British town or city’s cycle infrastructure ONLY. I originally wanted road cyclists to be involved but that would probably be suicidal for them and their bikes in particular so maybe just mountain bikes instead – after all, many ‘Town Centre Links’ or ‘Greenways’ are not too dissimilar to ‘North Shore’. If held on the weekend, it may have to be abandoned due to parked cars. I believe however, if it took off, that it should be called ‘Etape du Crap’ or even ‘Crap Etape!’ (said in exactly the same way children would say ‘Crackerjack!’) although feel free to chip in with your own suggestions. In fact, if you commute and you get to an awful bit of cycle infrastructure, just yell ‘Crap Etape!’ before riding it. Passers by may wonder what the Hell you’re doing but at least you might feel better.

'...and the peloton steams over the tactile paving toward the...oh, bugger'

Just a thought.

In the meantime, here’s another post from Mark Wagenbuur via David Hembrow’s ‘View from the Cycle Path’. Please note that even when a full-blown construction project is on, the temporary cycle lanes are better than most British cycle infrastructure. Even when just a diversion, I would like some of what they’re having.