Middle Age Men In Lycra – So What?

 

Freddie Mercury. A Man who knew how to rock in bib tights. Sort of.

 

In July, the Government published its National Travel Survey data. It confirmed that cycle use has increased to the highest level in decades. What was greeted with surprise was that the key area for growth was the highest income bracket. What I personally found surprising was that people found this surprising. The highest income bracket has always produced keen cyclists, some of whom have represented cycling interests in the Houses of Parliament. Intelligent, well paid people have long known that the velocipede is a civilized, no nonsense form of conveyance and that the simplest ideas are always the best.

At about the same time, Mintel, a market research firm published its own report (Bicycles in the UK 2010). It points out what cyclists and other handsome, intelligent people have known for years; that most adult cyclists are motorists too. This creates a problem for mainstream media and marketing companies. It makes it more difficult to compartmentalise ‘Cyclists’ & ‘Motorists’ as they are essentially one and the same.

However they were instantly thrown a lifeline; the report produced a new type of cyclist and even gave them an acronym. Step forward the ‘MAMIL’ or ‘Middle Aged Man In Lycra’. This is a cyclist in the 35-45 age bracket that may own…wait for it…. two cars!! They are more likely to read broadsheet papers, shop at Waitrose and have a household income of £50,000 per annum. They’re twice as likely to be male as female (which was a surprise to me as I had no idea that a woman could be a ‘Middle Aged Man In Lycra’ but there you go).

As if by magic the two agencies of cyclist hatred (BBC News and The Daily Mail) leapt onto this, in particular the suggestion that this upsurge in higher end bike sales is a “noughties version of a mid life crisis” and is the modern equivalent of buying a flashy sports car. Only they could put negative spin on a person buying a bicycle. Focussing on this group conveniently sidesteps the bigger story which is that more people are cycling generally.

In reality there are many factors at play; the explosion in the amount of charity bike rides and organised events such as ‘Sportive’ rides has probably helped fuel this surge along with better coverage of events such as the Tour de France and the Halfords City Centre race series, both shown on ITV4. The success of Team GB and the escapades of Bradley Wiggins and Mark Cavendish cannot have gone unnoticed. Women now have incredible role models in Victoria Pendleton, Nicole Cooke and Shanaze Reade on the BMX track.

If middle aged affluent men want to spend thousands of pounds on a new bike for sporting pursuits then good for them and even better for the local bike shop they buy it from. I’d rather they did that then get a new set of golf clubs or donate the money to UKIP. Welcome to the family. Other cyclists may sneer but if it means more people out and about enjoying themselves on bicycles (even if just on a Sunday) then that means less badly driven sports cars on our roads and increased road awareness.

The report adds that consumers like cycling because it gives them ‘health and wellbeing, a sense of community and environment’. I would add ‘a chance to reflect that The Daily Mail is just a middle class tabloid equivalent of the Ku Klux Klan’.

It also states that cycling “lacks some of the less acknowledged selling points favoured by car drivers: personal safety, comfort, style, convenience and speed”. The bicycle provides all that if used safely and correctly. A Stannah Stair Lift  also provides all that if used safely and correctly but we’ll cover old age at a later date.

iPhone Apps for Cyclists

I’m currently road testing a new iPhone app for the CTC. I shall say no more as I have no desire to steal the thunder of CTC but my initial response is that it’s ‘utterly amazing’ although this may level out at ‘quite fantastic’.  If they progress with it and you own an iPhone then get it when it’s released even though you have no idea what it is yet. A bit like the iPad really.

As I was cycling to work this morning I started to think about other iPhone apps that could benefit cyclists. Sure, there’s a few for mapping, and a few to measure speed and distance (as you’d expect from a device that probably holds more power than all the computers combined that sent Man to the Moon). However, I would also like to see the following developed:

The Cyclops

You may be familiar with this concept if you follow the Lawn Tennis Championships at Wimbledon each year. If a car overtakes too closely, the phone could emit a loud beep and someone screaming ‘OUT!’

The Col de Hell

I DO NOT advocate using an iPod when commuting at all but…

Imagine you are grinding up some tortuous climb and the spirits are a little bit low. Just put your earphones in to listen to a recording of an enthusiastic crowd on a Tour de France mountain stage. The cries of ‘Allez!’! The shouts of adoring people running alongside you! Then you can punch the air or give a Mark Cavendish two fingered salute as you finally crest the Paris-Roubaix style pave at the top of Guildford High Street. You hero, you! Chapeau!

The Male Lycrometer

You look in the mirror and see the physique of Alberto Contador. Meanwhile the mirror is trying everything in its power to stop itself smashing and sparing your blushes. This app could measure your main bicycle type, your height, weight and BMI. If you go over a certain threshold, or your only bike is a Brompton it emits a loud ‘NO!’ if you look at a piece of lycra or replica team kit. If you pick up a garment and walk towards the till the ‘NO!’s get louder and more urgent. If you purchase a team replica jersey or bib shorts, the sponsor is automatically alerted by email that someone is riding around with their logo on that has all the sleekness and power of a wheelie bin.

The Femail Lycrometer

No comment. I like my legs and kneecaps where they are for cycling, thank you very much.

I’m sure you can think of more, dear reader and I welcome your thoughts.

I’m a Mutant

On Sunday evening, I sat down with fiancée to watch X Men: The Last Stand (fiancée is a huge fan of Manga and Marvel). As I sat enjoying the movie, I suddenly started thinking that the plight of the X-Men isn’t that dissimilar from us cyclists. I’ll try and explain as it does need explaining:

Sometimes We Look Funny

A typical X-Man will wear a tight uniform to show their sleekness and power. I cycle to work and back 22 miles every day and wear tight lycra to..er..show my erm..sleekness and well, I just wear lycra for longer distances.
Whereas an X-Man would claim they wear what’s comfortable and appropriate for the job in hand it’s the same for cyclists too. I wouldn’t wear lycra to cycle to the shops or cycling around town as normal clothes are quite sufficient and it would put the public off cycling and their lunch. We are however seen as mutants or ‘others’ when we put on the uniform of cycle clothing yet to us we’re only doing what’s normal and appropriate.

Some Think We’re Renegades Above the Law

There are cyclists that don’t let piffling documents like the Highway Code hinder them in their quest for sleekness and power. They fall into two categories; firstly, those who think they’re so experienced, they can come up with Superhuman Logic for breaking red lights and zipping through zebra crossings when pedestrians are present. Then there are those who just don’t know any better or don’t wish to know. They just happen to be on a bicycle weaving up a pavement with no lights because they don’t want to be classed as cyclists and just want to get home from the pub/bookies/crime scene. (It’s the same with motorists too with those that think they’re so experienced they can easily drive after four pints and those that don’t wish to know as long as they get to where they want to go). The public won’t remember the years of hard effort and toil by cycle campaigners, but they will remember the mutant that nearly had them over at a Pedestrian crossing.

We want to be accepted on our terms

Mutants just want to be accepted. They don’t want a ‘cure’. Once upon a time cycling was a ridiculously thing to do. It still is of course but the public’s perception has been changed so much that it appears easier doing a tour of duty in Iraq than cycling to the shops. If we are going to have ‘the cure’ or cycle lanes as the powers that be put it, they should be designed and built to Dutch standards for example or simply don’t bother. Anything else should be regarded as a dangerous embarrassment and we shall remain mutants in the shadows.

I really enjoyed the film by the way. I put on my lycra Monday morning, looked at myself in the mirror and instantly thought of Wolverine. Time for a hair cut I think.